April 21, 2009 Podcast transcript | Subscribe
Recently, our Skeptoid special investigators were able to get a look at what happens inside a meeting of the New World Order of Masonic Illuminati. It was, predictably, pretty much exactly what we expected from those reptoids. You can download a high quality MP3 of their actual meeting here. Attached is the transcript:
(Unidentified voice) Ladies and gentlemen — LADIES AND GENTLEMEN — This emergency meeting of the New World Order of Masonic Illuminati is now in session. Everyone got coffee? Good. Ladies and gentlemen, you all know why we're here... science is in crisis. The public has discovered that faith-based knowledge works just as well... and it's a lot cheaper. Here to discuss the problem is the crown prince of corporatism, the sultan of science, the rajah of reason, our very own Exalted Grand Illuminatus! Let's give him a warm Bohemian Grove welcome, whaddaya say?
Exalted Grand Illuminatus Thank you... thank you. Please take your seats. I've invited you, the elite of the scientific world from around the... world, to my super-secret lair for one purpose... and ONE PURPOSE ONLY! Tonight we will address the most dangerous... the most insidious... the most DRASTIC THREAT to our continued prosperity since we had to cover up the Fountain of Youth.
(Unidentified voice) Where'd we hide it, anyway?
(Unidentified voice) Vegas. It's outside the Bellagio.
(Unidentified voice) Just down the street from the Scientology volcano at the Mirage.
Exalted Grand Illuminatus The public has discovered that they don't need us... that our "evidence" and our "research" have been nothing but a smoke screen to hide our greatest secret — that our so-called "science" IS A FRAUD AND A CHEAP GRAB FOR CASH! Already some amongst us have felt the consequences... forced to drive AUTOMOBILES WITH LESS IMPRESSIVE HOOD ORNAMENTS!
So, what are we to do? What, indeed?
While our revenues are dwindling, Our enemies rekindling, New avenues for swindling Are forming in my mind.
But with every plan that I produce It seems a screw or two is loose, And though my plotting is profuse, The world's no longer blind.
A hundred years of record profits, Foisting facts on school-age moppets, From the bottom to the top, It's fading like a dream.