Top Ten (Extremely Silly) Ways to F*** the System
August 26, 2014
Once in a while, it's fun to take a Facebook meme and pull it apart like a piece of taffy. These can be lists of bogus quotes, chemphobic nonsense, or things "they" don't want you to know about. But the list I want to destroy today is a little bit of all three. It's called "Top 10 Ways to F*** the System" and it's about as bogus, phobic and conspiratorial as they get.
As with almost all lists like this, there's no way to tell who created it. There's a watermark in the bottom right corner that reads "Truther" but this could mean anything. A search of the list's name with that word added brings up a post from 10/11/12 from a website called "Truth Theory," but it's just an anonymous posting of the list with no name taking credit for it.
The earliest version I found of the text itself (without the nifty picture of the sun rising) was in a message board post on Godlike Productions, dated 8/14/12, but with its author as "Anonymous Coward." So we'll simply call it anonymous, and if its author wants to email me and take credit, I'd be glad to add a correction to the record.
"Top 10 Ways to F*** the System"I already have some questions. What exactly makes these the "Top Ten" ways, and not ten other ways? What about some combination of this list and some other list? Was there a vote taken to decide these ten ways? Also, what is "the System?" How do these things "f***" it? What does any of that even mean?
1. Shop Local — Boycott Corporations & Vote with your MoneyVoting with your money is a fine thing to do. But the idea of boycotting "corporations" is as ridiculous as avoiding "chemicals." The computer this meme was created on was designed, built, shipped and sold by corporations. So was every device it was read and shared on. Denigrate them all you want, but some corporation somewhere invented and built pretty much everything in your life.
2. Grow a Garden — Eat Organic & Build your Community around FoodPlenty of research shows that in most cases, "organic" is simply a label slapped onto the same food you're already eating as an excuse to charge more for it. And just because one grows a garden doesn't mean they aren't part of "the System." Whatever that is. Some of us can't even grow gardens. I live in a condo. Am I doomed to forever be not f***ing "the System?"
3. Become Self-Sustainable — Be Independent in Food, Water & EnergyI guess a garden comes in handy for this. But do you have your own lake? Your own clouds to create rain? What about a power plant? If you have a generator, who supplied the gas to power it? Your own oil well? The answer to all of these questions probably involves a corporation.
4. Protect the Children — Don't Vaccinate, Medicate or Mutilate KidsWe've now transitioned from silly pie-in-the-sky utopian nonsense to dangerous pseudoscience. Vaccine-preventable diseases are skyrocketing across the western world precisely because of drivel like this. As for "mutilating" kids, I'm guessing that refers to circumcision. While some research supports the idea that circumcision has certain beneficial effects, this is entirely a personal choice — and one that has nothing to do with "protecting" anyone.
5. Go Homeopathic — Use Cannabis & Refuse Prescription MedicationSo...don't vaccinate your kids, don't take medicine prescribed to you by a doctor, but do get high and medicate yourself with worthless magic water. Next time you see a person who needs medication to live a full life — or live at all — give them this advice and see what happens. Seriously, this little nugget is beyond stupid. It's reprehensible.
6. Self-Educate — Homeschool & Always Teach & Speak Truth to Power"Self-educating" is how we have a generation of conspiracy theorists who think "doing your research" is a substitute for well-executed scientific studies and that anyone who disagrees with them is a paid shill. Speaking truth to power is a great idea, but so is getting an education outside the hallowed halls of Google University.
7. Make Family Priority # 1 — Families that Eat Together, Stay TogetherI honestly can't disagree with this, and there's even research that backs it up. I'm astonished that this horrible piece of nonsensical tripe actually is right about something.
8. Turn Off the TV — Tune Out the Fear, Propaganda & DisinformationSure, there's plenty of that on TV. But there's also a lot of high quality stuff. So I'll just continued to decide for myself what sources of information and entertainment I use.
9. Return to Nature — Abandon the City Life & Quit the Rat RaceChina tried something like this in the late 50's. It was called the Great Leap Forward, and it sent tens of millions of citizens out into the country to work the land and smelt homemade steel. Relying on bogus Soviet farming techniques and a healthy dose of old-fashioned delusion, the Great Leap Forward devastated China and killed at least 20 million people. So I'll just go ahead and keep my city life, thanks.
10. Love One Another Unconditionally — Realize that We Are All One"We are all one" is a bit of zen nonsense that you often see on New Age websites. History thoroughly disagrees with it.
"No army can stop an idea whose time has come." ~Victor HugoPerhaps not, but what's on this list is an idea whose time has most certainly not come.
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