The Twelve Days of Woo Christmas

(to be sung as loudly and off-key as possible, to the tune of “The Twelve Days of Christmas")

On the first day of Xmas, my woo love gave to me:
a $6,000 water ionizer.

On the second day of Xmas, my woo love gave to me:
two cavemen riding dinosaurs
and a $6,000 water ionizer.

On the third day of Xmas, my woo love gave to me:
three detoxifying footpads,
two cavemen riding dinosaurs
and a $6,000 water ionizer.

On the fourth day of Xmas, my woo love gave to me:
four scalar bubbles,
three detoxifying footpads,
two cavemen riding dinosaurs
and a $6,000 water ionizer.

On the fifth day of Xmas, my woo love gave to me:
five golden plates!
Four scalar bubbles,
three detoxifying footpads,
two cavemen riding dinosaurs
and a $6,000 water ionizer.

On the sixth day of Xmas, my woo love gave to me:
six Q-Ray Bracelets balancing,
five golden plates!
Four scalar bubbles,
three detoxifying footpads,
two cavemen riding dinosaurs
and a $6,000 water ionizer.

On the seventh day of Xmas, my woo love gave to me:
Seven World Trade Center exploding,
six Q-Ray Bracelets balancing,
five golden plates!
Four scalar bubbles,
three detoxifying footpads,
two cavemen riding dinosaurs
and a $6,000 water ionizer.

On the eight day of Xmas, my woo love gave to me:
eight rich Jews a-scheming,
Seven World Trade Center exploding,
six Q-Ray Bracelets balancing,
five golden plates!
Four scalar bubbles,
three detoxifying footpads,
two cavemen riding dinosaurs
and a $6,000 water ionizer.

On the ninth day of Xmas, my woo love gave to me:
nine FEMA camps imprisoning,
eight rich Jews a-scheming,
Seven World Trade Center exploding,
six Q-Ray Bracelets balancing,
five golden plates!
Four scalar bubbles,
three detoxifying footpads,
two cavemen riding dinosaurs
and a $6,000 water ionizer.

On the tenth day of Xmas, my woo love gave to me:
ten Monsanto crops a-killing,
nine FEMA camps imprisoning,
eight rich Jews a-scheming,
Seven World Trade Center exploding,
six Q-Ray Bracelets balancing,
five golden plates!
Four scalar bubbles,
three detoxifying footpads,
two cavemen riding dinosaurs
and a $6,000 water ionizer.

On the eleventh day of Xmas, my woo love gave to me:
eleven UFOs landing,
ten Monsanto crops a-killing,
nine FEMA camps imprisoning,
eight rich Jews a-scheming,
Seven World Trade Center exploding,
six Q-Ray Bracelets balancing,
five golden plates!
Four scalar bubbles,
three detoxifying footpads,
two cavemen riding dinosaurs
and a $6,000 water ionizer.

On the twelfth day of Xmas, my woo love gave to me:
twelve colons cleansing,
eleven UFOs landing,
ten Monsanto crops a-killing,
nine FEMA camps imprisoning,
eight rich Jews a-scheming,
Seven World Trade Center exploding,
six Q-Ray Bracelets balancing,
five golden plates!
Four scalar bubbles,
three detoxifying footpads,
two cavemen riding dinosaurs
and a $6,000 water ionizer!

Happy non-denominational winter celebration! And watch your wallets in 2013!