Trinity: Interview with Dr. Oz, Alex Jones, and Deepak Chopra

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Today we're going to depart from the usual format of Skeptoid. Typically we don't do interview shows, but today we have a rare opportunity to talk with three of the biggest names in their fields. I'd like to introduce you to television's Dr. Mehmet Oz...

                    DR. OZ
My pleasure.

...radio host Alex Jones...

                    ALEX JONES
I've got 12 minutes left on my parking meter.

...and author Dr. Deepak Chopra.

                    DEEPAK CHOPRA
It is very nice to be here.

Gentlemen, thank you all for making yourselves available today. Obviously you're all known for presenting information that's been met with mixed reactions from the more mainstream colleagues in your various fields, however you've all arguably been more commercially successful than your colleagues.

                    ALEX JONES
Damn straight!

Dr. Oz, you began your career as a medical doctor but you now promote unproven, and often implausible, alternative medicine on television. Is this the secret of your success?

                    DR. OZ
People want to hear the truth from someone that they trust. The medical industry has shown that it focuses only on profits, so I try to present a view that's more personalized and principled.

                    ALEX JONES
You're talking about principles? One of the highest paid actors on television; how much of that money do you give to charity?

Alex, we'll get to you in just a moment —

                    DR. OZ
Alex, I think your meter's running out.

                    DEEPAK CHOPRA
Gentlemen, please!

Dr. Chopra — it is doctor, right?

                    DEEPAK CHOPRA
Yes, I too once had a career in medicine, many many decades ago, before I also saw the light and discovered that the physical world is just a projection of our own inner being.

                    ALEX JONES
I've got a projection of my foot up your inner a—

Alex, let's try and get a word in from you. You're best known for promoting conspiracy theories on the radio and on the Internet.

                    ALEX JONES
That's right, except they're not theories, they're the truth.

I understand that among your beliefs is that the government is planning to put millions of law-abiding citizens into extermination camps.

                    ALEX JONES
Anyone with an open mind can see it happening if you just look outside.

Dr. Chopra, do your transcendental theories support any explanation for what Alex is saying?

                    DEEPAK CHOPRA
It is his reality, and so it is also real within all of us. Because of electrons, and quantum theory.

That's actually something I was hoping to discuss in more detail with all of you. Dr. Oz, do you use specialized language to promote what you do?

                    DR. OZ
I think the best way to answer that question is like this.

They call me Dr. Oz, I play a doctor on TV.
My job's to tell you science has it wrong.
And every day some brand new super miracle appears,
I'll sell you magic products all day long.

Don't ever listen when they tell you exercise
Combined with fewer fries
Is what will shrink your thighs;
You need these berries hailing from exotic lands.
Science misunderstands
Your body's true demands.

                    ALL
For we are the holy trinity
Of pseudoscientific idiocy,
And we have the network's mandate
To blow your brain cells away.

                    ALEX JONES
It's my turn now, I've got stuff to say. The government, and the aliens, and Bigfoot are taking over the world; and Area 51, and the Illuminati, and the Freemasons, and the Zionists, and the World Bankers —

ALEX!!

                    ALEX JONES
Sorry! OK, it's like this.

The government is out to take your freedoms all away,
They want to put you in a prison camp.
Your mind is being controlled by what you eat and what you breathe
and by that little chip that they implant.

The men in black are tracking all your movements now,
Your doom is what they vow,
And we must disallow.
Conspiracies control your money and your mind.
Wake up and grow a spine,
It's revolution time.

                    ALL
For we are the holy trinity
Of pseudoscientific idiocy,
And we have the network's mandate
To blow your brain cells away.

Deepak, you've heard your fellow guests explain their perspectives.

                    DEEPAK CHOPRA
Oh yes, very much indeed.

What can you tell us about your work?

                    DEEPAK CHOPRA
Quantum information makes reality transform;
The light of knowledge brightens consciousness.
Inside of rationality are photons that are God,
And boundless positivity exists.

Infinity and chaos are equivocal.
The world's cylindrical
And metaphysical.
Perceptual reality's an avatar.
Transcendent caviar.
Kareem Abdul Jabbar.

                    ALL
For we are the holy trinity
Of pseudoscientific idiocy,
And we have the network's mandate
To blow your brain cells away.

That's very nice, boys.

Well I have to say, you've all given us a lot to think about today. Perhaps some of our listeners will tune into your programs to learn more.

                    ALEX JONES
Not likely! They're all paid shills for the government.

                    DEEPAK CHOPRA
My friend, I think you need to have your chakras realigned.

                    DR. OZ
I can do that for you!

Well thanks for being here, gentlemen.

By Brian Dunning
Follow @BrianDunning