Buy It!

Don't blindly turn to science when you need answers - instead, seek out those who want to sell you something.

Filed under Alternative Medicine, Consumer Ripoffs, Fads

Skeptoid #200
April 6, 2010
Podcast transcript | Listen | Subscribe
 

Download just the song for your MP3 player (no titles or intro, just the music)

So the other day I wasn't feeling too great, and I'm enough of a skeptic that I don't blindly go to a medical doctor to see what Big Pharma wants to foist onto me. I'm smart enough to turn to the back pages of magazines and late-night infomercials to get real science information. Here are a few things one trusted spokesman told me:

Buy It!
Music & Lyrics by Brian Dunning
Performed by Brian Dunning
Audio by Bill Simpkins

 

Living in this modern world we're
Always playing dice;
Eating, breathing toxins, it is
Never very nice.
Luckily, enlightened ones have
Stepped up to the plate:
We've got products you can buy, to
Save you from this fate.

Take a pill or soak your feet,
Rub this on your skin;
Don't go to a specialist
Or you'll be taken in.
We offer easy payments
And millions can't be wrong;
You know it works, because it was
Invented by a mom.

(Buy it!) Buy it and you'll save a tree
(Buy it!) Buy it cuz it's chemical free
(Buy it!) For yourself or for a friend
(Buy it!) Buy it, doctors recommend

One thing that is certain is that science minds are closed;
If we listen to them we'll all be hosed.

Oprah says that you should treat
Your body, mind and soul.
You're not a disease, you are
A person who is whole.
Our products burn your fat away
With space technology,
And best of all, we offer an
Exclusive guarantee!

Quantum physics baffles
All the scientists it appears;
Chinese have known these secrets
For a hundred thousand years.
Celebrity endorsements
Prove it scientifically;
If it wasn't true we couldn't
Say it on TV.

(Buy it!) Buy it if your name is Fred
(Buy it!) Buy it even if you're dead
(Buy it!) Buy it, buy it straightaway
(Buy it!) Buy it if you're straight or gay

The body's all organic, and so what it really needs
Is for you to buy and eat these old dry weeds.

Call today, we have our
Operators standing by.
100% natural,
You can detoxify.
Supplies are strictly limited, so
Hurry, don't be slow.
Your credit card's the key to what
They don't want you to know.

(Buy it!) Buy it or else it's a sin
(Buy it!) Buy it or the terrorists win
(Buy it!) Whether you're a girl or guy
(Buy it!) Buy it or God will cry

$2/mo $5/mo $10/mo One time

A life without these products, well it's certain to be rough;
The only way to save yourself is buy more stuff!

So I got out my card and made a few purchases. Now I'm not only on the path to healing, I'm also free of the stain of Big Toxins and those giant corporations who are only interested in profits. I chose the pure path, and I've shown that I can't be taken advantage of.

Brian Dunning

© 2010 Skeptoid Media, Inc. Copyright information

Reference this article:
Dunning, B. "Buy It!" Skeptoid Podcast. Skeptoid Media, Inc., 6 Apr 2010. Web. 23 Jul 2014. <http://skeptoid.com/episodes/4200>

Discuss!

10 most recent comments | Show all 39 comments

"Don't blindly turn to science when you need answers - instead, seek out those who want to sell you something."

Alternative medicine summed up in one word:).

Øyvind, Norway
April 17, 2010 5:23am

Hilarious, I really enjoyed the episode! Great stuff. Brian, keep up the good work.

Bob, Victoria, BC, Canada
April 18, 2010 8:10pm

Oh man. So I didn't listen to this episode, I assumed by the title "Buy it" it was an ad to purchase episode 200 off of iTunes or something. Eventually i was like "well, i love the skeptoid podcasts, i'l listen to the ad, and see if i think its worth it". Now I'm kicking myself for wrongly assuming something, and holding off of hearing this for weeks.

Eric M., St. Louis, MO, USA
May 13, 2010 7:52am

Did I say that?
:kicks self: Sentence, not word!

Øyvind, Norway
June 5, 2010 8:32pm

So some "natural" cures are good but if its natural you should be able to buy it for next to nothing. Ill give an example.

turmeric cures diarrhea, it costs next to nothing and can be bought in any supermarket. Tastes terrible though just to warn, and yes works better than pills did for me. I was prescribed pills by my doctor i took them for a week and they didnt work, then took the turmeric and was better by later that day. I dont knwo why it works but it has for everyone i have known and told them about including my girlfriend, mom, dad, brother. thats pretty much the people id limit talking about poop with.

As you should be skeptical, research or try it(since it costs $1), you take 1 tsp once a day usually doesnt take more than one day. I usually drink water right after to ge the taste out of my mouth and help wash it down.

I point this out first and a good to know thing, and its interesting(atleast to me since it worked). But also to show some things arnt just scams and should be considered, the easiest way to distinguish the two are the price tag.

If its "all natural" it should be cheap

matt, akron, oh
September 8, 2010 12:44pm

Thanks Matt, Can I sell my up coming cookery course "natural medicine in your curries and cupboards" through skeptoid?

Matt, just ask Tutankhmun how good natural medicine is.. Oh he died at a young age?

at least he died without facing modern medicine..

Live fast, die young, leave a gold covered corpse. The James Dean proposition.

Sorry for the heckling Matt, but you had whoopsie tablets from the doctor for a week and then ate turmeric? That is a statistical indication of your methodolgy rather than your spice cabinet.

I had the raging trots on and off for a year because I was moronic enough to get suckered in to eating local fish that I hadnt prepared.

Whats worse, that particular fish is now permanently off mine and my daughters diets due to some really odd gut response (diahorrea) every time we have eaten it since.

Yes, it was served in a hell of a curry.

Natures way, you cant beat it and ...you cant beat my daughter to the loo. She scrambles like Steve Young did at her age.

Henk van der Gaast, Sydney
December 13, 2010 2:35pm

That was hilarious! I'm impressed by your creativity and singing voice. Very important message too.

Todd Decker, Mesa, AZ
January 24, 2011 8:52pm

True, true...Brian is a polymath...Polymath is easily ascribed, but when I see it elsewhere I am comfortable in saying he is one..

Even If i think he is just talented and the polymath thing is extended.

Mud, nearly on the road again...Oz
May 17, 2012 3:01am

I bought a Swivel Sweeper from late night infomercials and it has changed my life forever.

You da man, Brian

Joe, Australia
April 7, 2013 6:25pm

Joe, you missed the "ear vac" two for the price of one (with free brush)?

To think I already spent my allotment for the year on the "Fluff Cutter".

Imagine my disappointment when I opened the package and got two blocks of cheese....

Wait... a liter of Pimple remover... I have to have it!

Mung Dean, Gerringong The IL. USO
September 20, 2013 2:44am

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