It has been a few months since I checked in on the hunt for Bigfoot in the United States. Enduring the entire 10 Million Dollar Bigfoot Bounty really turned me off of my usual morbid fascination with the comedy of errors that is Squatching. But I’ve done some looking around on the Internet to see what’s come up recently in Bigfoot sightings. It looks like I didn’t miss much.
Just last week, a video surfaced online claiming to show a Bigfoot in the woods near Sundance, Utah. Let’s watch, shall we?
Did you miss it? It’s pretty hard to see. Don’t worry, the “witnesses” know this, so they clipped it and slowed it down for you. Look carefully.
What? You still can’t see the Bigfoot hiding in the trees? Oh, all right. They’ve been kind enough to provide a version that’s both slowed down AND stabilized. Now pay attention this time, okay?
Ah ha! There! You saw it this time, didn’t you! I know you did! Don’t try to hide it.
Well, okay, no, you probably didn’t see much of anything. Neither do I. At best, in the third video there’s a momentary shadow at about the 0:02 mark that kind of, sort of looks like it could be charitably called a man in a gorilla suit standing at parade rest if I squint, but by the 0:04 second mark as the car is turning away it clearly becomes just the interplay of light and shadow off of the trees. And let’s be honest; the only reason I can claim to kind of, sort of see something in the third clip is because I’ve been primed for it; I’ve been told there’s a Bigfoot there to see.
In other words, classic Blobsquatch—one posted, I might add, on an anonymous YouTube account with no other videos than four versions of the “sighting.” Yet that hasn’t stopped the story from making the news rounds, not only locally in Utah but as far away as the Mirror in the UK.
Just a couple days ago, another video appeared online claiming to contain images of Bigfoot. It also tells a story about a 15-year-old shooting a Bigfoot, as recounted by the poster, Randy O’Neal. Anyone who followed my Bigfoot Bounty posts knows how much I love a good crazy Squatch-shooting story! The video is kind of long, but worth watching. The pics are at the end, and as the author of the story points out to us, “These pictures are very clear and not blurred.”
Note that he even tells us that the pictures were taken with a “Verizon Wireless cellular phone.” (Who even says “cellular phone” nowadays?) In the Comments section O’Neal later clarifies that it was an “old school flip phone” after it was noted that pretty much any phone Verizon sells nowadays has a video mode. But here’s the thing: I remember old-school flip phones. With those phones, you were never getting a picture above maybe one megapixel. He’s right when he points out that the pictures are clear—at least, the sky is nicely blue and the foliage crisply green. This picture is clearly NOT a one-megapixel image. Even the better flip phones on the market today only have two- or three-megapixel cameras on them, which again this pic arguably is not. I have a lot of old three-megapixel images in my photo files, and they don’t give as much clarity.
Oh, and by the way, even the cheapest, most basic flip phones on the market today have a video recording mode on them, too.
Picture quality aside, also note that there’s one thing that is decidedly NOT very clear in the picture: the Bigfoot. It’s just another Blobsquatch created because we were primed to see it. And the shape hasn’t moved in the second shot; the position of the camera has. There are two clear tree stumps to the left of the Blobsquatch; they are not at the same angle in the second picture. The dark blob isn’t moving either; the camera is, and the shape, whatever it was, looks different because it’s a different angle.
So there you have it: two recent “Bigfoot” videos that amount to nothing more than shadows viewed at odd angles. How disappointing.
Happily, a far more interesting sighting of a Sasquatch happened in Seattle, WA earlier this month, one that I find much more plausible. Not only are these much clearer photographs of the beast than we’ve ever seen before, but they’re coupled with some engaging scientific theories as to the creature and its habits. The Seattle Weekly News reports:
According to a man named Stan Johnson with ‘a unique understanding of Bigfoot,’ Sasquatches ‘travel using portals. He mentions at least three portals that exist on the mountain where he lives. The portals seem to be entrances and exits to and from our physical reality. Not surprisingly, Bigfoot is often seen in these areas by a diverse group of witnesses.’
You can check out these fascinating photographs over at the Seattle Weekly News. Now do you believe?